OHHHHHH MY FRIGGIN GAWWWDDDDD-uh!!!!!
It's here! What the...? How did THAT happen? But I JUST gave birth to him like 5 minutes ago....plus or minus four and a half years.....
Wow. It seems like yesterday I was looking at that faint blue line of the stick and thinking about how one day...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy in the future.....that little faint blue line on the stick would be going to school. Tomorrow is that day. And today is the day before that day and it's the most horrible, nerve wracking, exciting, awful day of my whole LIFE!
Thinking about things is always so much worse than the actual thing...especially for people like me who think things to death. Tomorrow will be fine. Anticlimactic, even. But TODAY.....today is the day before the day and all I can do is think:
What if I packed too much stuff for lunch? Or not enough? Or the WRONG kind of stuff and the teacher looks at what I packed and JUDGES me as a parent because I packed a granola bar with chocolate chips instead of grapes? What if I get him to wear jeans and it turns out to be a hot day? What if I put him in shorts and it's cold? What if I forgot to pack something and the teacher thinks I'm a LOSER? .....hmmmmm...... actually it seems to me that maybe I'm NOT all that worried about how Gavin is going to fare. I might be more concerned that someone will think I'm a moron.
No really, I AM concerned for him. He's only 4, you know. And he has concerns of his own. He asked me the other day what if someone calls him a stupid-head? Or what if someone tells him his shoes aren't cool? Or what if he gets lost in all the kids and his teacher forgets who he is and he has to cry and then people laugh at him because he cried at school? ....hmmmmmmmm.....seems like Gavin is ALSO worried about someone thinking he's a moron. Wonder where he gets that?
Ah well, the day had to come. I always knew it would. And it will be ok. Better than ok. He's going to LOVE school and he's going to ROCK French immersion kindergarten!
My dear mother imparted some sage words to me just last evening: It's just another piece in the jigsaw puzzle of life that never ends.......until it ends. YAWP! (crazy eyes)
Indeed.
Wednesday, 5 September 2012
Monday, 27 August 2012
Mom Vs. The Government
Good grief. I swear to Christ I don't know how I am related to this person.
First of all, before I had this conversation with my mother yesterday, I had a preview. She had already had the exact same conversation with Tiff and of course, Tiff told me all about it. It was funny then but it was INFINITELY funnier in person with all the body language! I will try my best...
Mom: Ok, so if you're calling me just let the machine get it. Say it's you and then if I'm there I'll pick up or call you right back
(Mom has an ACTUAL answering machine...like, not voice mail. No, that's too complicated plus you never know who is listening to those messages).
Me: Uhh...ok.
Mom: It's just that we've been getting too many crazy calls. Like, REALLY messed up, creepy stuff!
Richard: Yeah we're thinking of getting our phone number unlisted.
Me (already knowing what comes next): Oh? What kind of calls?
Now, at this point you're thinking heavy breathing, dirty calls...stuff like that. Nope.
Mom (hushed tones): Well, like somebody keps calling saying they're Statistics Canada wanting to do some kind of "labour force survey" (crazy eyes). YAWP!!!
Me: Uh huh
Mom: I mean, asking all kinds of weird things, like, where do we work and how much money do we make. They even came to the house!
Me: Oh really?
Mom: YEAH! Thank GOD I saw the woman coming up the path. I hid out and pretended I wasn't home (as one does when someone comes to the door...PFFFTTT!!! She said it like this is totally normal behaviour) She left a little package on the door with a phone number so I called her! YAWP! I did! (OMG you are so brave.) And you won't BELIEVE what she said to me!...... (dramatic pause).........She said "Oh! You're the house with all the lovely gardens! Can you believe it!
Me: Er......That doesn't seem so odd, Mom.
Mom: Well obviously she'd been there a while and had a look around and observed EVERY. DETAIL! And she wanted me to KNOW that!
Me: Well, the thing is you DO have lovely gardens and they are in rather plain sight....
Mom: Yes well I found it all rather threatening. I mean, who IS this woman? How do I know she's really from Stats Can?
Me: Well Mom, they DO conduct labour force surveys. I've participated twice. It's pretty normal. If you don't want to do it, just tell them
Mom: Well here's the thing...the lady says we HAVE to. That it's MANDATORY and if we don't do it we can be FINED!!! I mean, that's a threat! That's the government making a threat against me!
Me: I'm sure it's not mandatory, Mom
Mom: Well the paperwork has a box for "decline"
Me: So check it
Mom: Well I don't know Ella. It seems like the government is VERY interested in my affairs
Me: Eye roll....ANYWAYYYYYYYYYY...........
Seriously.
First of all, before I had this conversation with my mother yesterday, I had a preview. She had already had the exact same conversation with Tiff and of course, Tiff told me all about it. It was funny then but it was INFINITELY funnier in person with all the body language! I will try my best...
Mom: Ok, so if you're calling me just let the machine get it. Say it's you and then if I'm there I'll pick up or call you right back
(Mom has an ACTUAL answering machine...like, not voice mail. No, that's too complicated plus you never know who is listening to those messages).
Me: Uhh...ok.
Mom: It's just that we've been getting too many crazy calls. Like, REALLY messed up, creepy stuff!
Richard: Yeah we're thinking of getting our phone number unlisted.
Me (already knowing what comes next): Oh? What kind of calls?
Now, at this point you're thinking heavy breathing, dirty calls...stuff like that. Nope.
Mom (hushed tones): Well, like somebody keps calling saying they're Statistics Canada wanting to do some kind of "labour force survey" (crazy eyes). YAWP!!!
Me: Uh huh
Mom: I mean, asking all kinds of weird things, like, where do we work and how much money do we make. They even came to the house!
Me: Oh really?
Mom: YEAH! Thank GOD I saw the woman coming up the path. I hid out and pretended I wasn't home (as one does when someone comes to the door...PFFFTTT!!! She said it like this is totally normal behaviour) She left a little package on the door with a phone number so I called her! YAWP! I did! (OMG you are so brave.) And you won't BELIEVE what she said to me!...... (dramatic pause).........She said "Oh! You're the house with all the lovely gardens! Can you believe it!
Me: Er......That doesn't seem so odd, Mom.
Mom: Well obviously she'd been there a while and had a look around and observed EVERY. DETAIL! And she wanted me to KNOW that!
Me: Well, the thing is you DO have lovely gardens and they are in rather plain sight....
Mom: Yes well I found it all rather threatening. I mean, who IS this woman? How do I know she's really from Stats Can?
Me: Well Mom, they DO conduct labour force surveys. I've participated twice. It's pretty normal. If you don't want to do it, just tell them
Mom: Well here's the thing...the lady says we HAVE to. That it's MANDATORY and if we don't do it we can be FINED!!! I mean, that's a threat! That's the government making a threat against me!
Me: I'm sure it's not mandatory, Mom
Mom: Well the paperwork has a box for "decline"
Me: So check it
Mom: Well I don't know Ella. It seems like the government is VERY interested in my affairs
Me: Eye roll....ANYWAYYYYYYYYYY...........
Seriously.
Monday, 16 July 2012
Come on...NO ONE loves working out!
It's all over Facebook:
"PHWEF! Great workout!"
"Bootcamp was AWESOME today!"
"OMG I haven't worked out in 3 days and I miss it SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!"
Well I call bullshit. I do not believe you when you say you love working out...yes I'm talking to you, Zoe. I don't buy it for one second.
My little sister Zoe, as many of you know, has lost a big ol' pile of weight and is now a fitness model/trainer/inspiration. Round of applause for Zoe (for reals y'all!!!! That's a super big deal!). Now, I'm not very big myself but I am pretty wimpy and flabby. Zoe likes to point out my spaghetti arms at every opportunity. After much harrasing I have finally agreed to give working out a go.
Now, just a little background about me and exercise....
I have worked out in the past, and although I do sometimes find myself in a good routine, it never lasts. Never. It's a waste of money for me to buy a gym membership because I won't go. I have a treadmill, and it's even right on front of the TV so I can watch my shows while I walk....hang clothes on it. I can come up with an excuse like THAT *finger snap* any time, any place NOT to work out (my knees hurt, I just ate and my personal favorite, the kids...). I do love yoga though...but I'm not even as consistent at that as I'd like. Zoe says it's just a stretch. A great, healthy, wonderful stretch...but still, just a stretch.
Me: Yeah but you get all sweaty and stuff
Zoe: It's 109 degrees in there
Me: Yeah but...
Zoe: Just a stretch, man.
Me: But check out my arms from all the planks and upward dogs! *flex*
Zoe: BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!Stop it!* GASP* No more! Too *GASP* funny! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Me: *hangs head in shame*
So ok...back to the present..Zoe gives me some exercises to do at home.
Zoe writing down my workout plan.
Mark: PFT.
Zoe: What?
Mark: She's so not going to do that
Me: HEY! Yes I am!
Mark and Zoe: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Evil fuckers. I'll show them!
Day 1
Zoe: So did you work out?
Me: No, I fell asleep.
Zoe: Ella...
Me: WHAT! The kids.....
Day 2
Zoe: So did you do it?
Me: No I went to yoga
Zoe: Ella...
Me: WHAT! I HAVE to go to yoga! My back...you know....
Day 3
Me on FB: Going upstairs to do the workout now
Leave FB open, go upstairs and do the workout.
Mark walks by and sees FB open. The following is cut and pasted from FB:
"PHWEF! Great workout!"
"Bootcamp was AWESOME today!"
"OMG I haven't worked out in 3 days and I miss it SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!"
Well I call bullshit. I do not believe you when you say you love working out...yes I'm talking to you, Zoe. I don't buy it for one second.
My little sister Zoe, as many of you know, has lost a big ol' pile of weight and is now a fitness model/trainer/inspiration. Round of applause for Zoe (for reals y'all!!!! That's a super big deal!). Now, I'm not very big myself but I am pretty wimpy and flabby. Zoe likes to point out my spaghetti arms at every opportunity. After much harrasing I have finally agreed to give working out a go.
Now, just a little background about me and exercise....
I have worked out in the past, and although I do sometimes find myself in a good routine, it never lasts. Never. It's a waste of money for me to buy a gym membership because I won't go. I have a treadmill, and it's even right on front of the TV so I can watch my shows while I walk....hang clothes on it. I can come up with an excuse like THAT *finger snap* any time, any place NOT to work out (my knees hurt, I just ate and my personal favorite, the kids...). I do love yoga though...but I'm not even as consistent at that as I'd like. Zoe says it's just a stretch. A great, healthy, wonderful stretch...but still, just a stretch.
Me: Yeah but you get all sweaty and stuff
Zoe: It's 109 degrees in there
Me: Yeah but...
Zoe: Just a stretch, man.
Me: But check out my arms from all the planks and upward dogs! *flex*
Zoe: BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!Stop it!* GASP* No more! Too *GASP* funny! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Me: *hangs head in shame*
So ok...back to the present..Zoe gives me some exercises to do at home.
Zoe writing down my workout plan.
Mark: PFT.
Zoe: What?
Mark: She's so not going to do that
Me: HEY! Yes I am!
Mark and Zoe: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Evil fuckers. I'll show them!
Day 1
Zoe: So did you work out?
Me: No, I fell asleep.
Zoe: Ella...
Me: WHAT! The kids.....
Day 2
Zoe: So did you do it?
Me: No I went to yoga
Zoe: Ella...
Me: WHAT! I HAVE to go to yoga! My back...you know....
Day 3
Me on FB: Going upstairs to do the workout now
Leave FB open, go upstairs and do the workout.
Mark walks by and sees FB open. The following is cut and pasted from FB:
- For your information, I am on my way upstairs to do my bootcamp workout right now.
- Good! I hope u puke! That means a hot ass
- did u do it?
- or what???
- what are you doing on facebook?? get back to the sweat mang!!
- This is Mark
- The bitch leaves FB logged in on my computer all day ever day.
- She is upstairs moaning
- looking for another place to put quarters into the treadmil.
- ahahahahahaha
- is she really doing it?
- Yep - I can take a pic on my phone if you like.
- ohhh yes please
- lol
- <-- Brad popping in here real quick while Zoe types. Zoe leaves FB logged in on my PC too
- pft whatever BRAD!!!
- lol
- Arrgg I know right - makes me mad - I don't have FB and don't want to be tempted by it.
- Anywho - ok I will do a paparazzi pic
- yessssss do it
- lmao
- (Brad) We could do a FaceTime. Have Zoe taunting her on.
- lool
- She just stopped as I climbed the stairs - so I got her putting stuff away - she did not like me taking pics.
- Speaking of Facetime - what email address do you guys have on your iPad for Apple ID?
- hahaha putting stuff away? that's not part of my bootcamp...
- Ours is email@address.com
- email@address.com
- She had the Yoga mat out on the floor and everything.
- Its crazy - now I know she knows how to use it.
- so she did it and finished it?
- I just sent a msg to your Cell phone # I think. If it is your proper Cell -
- My cell is 555-5555
- I believe she is done - its hard to tell cause Corenation Street is booming on the TV up there.
- LOL
- that's one sweaty lookin chick
- love it
- She had words for me - when she saw me/ What are you doing? How long have you been there? is that video? "
- i told her you sent me - she was like? WHAT? She txted you and asked you to check up on me.
- ahahahahahahaa
- im not sure what the yoga mat is for.. lol i think she was improvising the bootcamp a little
- You fuckers!
- lol noo i didnt get to it on time
- Of COURSE I fucking did it! ALL of it! The yoga mat was because my hands kept slipping when I did the inchworms and my knees hurt on the floor when I did pushupsAssholes.Well, I'm proud to inform all you doubters out there that I have now done the workout FOUR TIMES. I think it may actually be getting harder. I'm definitely hating it more. And this brings me back to my original point, which is:I do not believe that anyone actually likes working out. You may like the way it feels when you're done. Sure the sense of accomplishment is awesome. No one can deny that the results are well worth it. But I do not believe that anyone, in the middle of their second set of high-knees is thinking : Fuck yeah! This is so much fun!More like: 25, 26, 27...close enough.
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
The poops are fighting
Sheesh. Everything is about poop. And bums. It's all day, every day with these two. Especially Gavin.
Summer in the bath, Gavin on the toilet.
Gavin: ERG! Uhhhhhh!!!!
Me: Er...you ok there?
Gavin: Yeah, the poop is just fighting in my bum
Me: Your poop is what? Stuck in your bum?
Gavin: No it's FIGHTING. The poops are FIGHTING.
Me: uh....
Gavin: Poops are kind of alive and dey fight sometimes
Me: Is that right? Where did you hear that?
Gavin: Tasha told me.....Mom, you didn't KNOW dat?
Me: Nope
Gavin: Yeah Tasha told me and Tanya told Tasha (Tanya is Tasha's friend and frequent visitor to daycare...also known as ANYA!)
Me: ok then
Bath continues, pooping continues.
Gavin: Mom, how come we don't just poop on the ground like animals and bugs?
Me: Well because if people did that there would be poop all over the place and it would be very stinky outside
Gavin: Well but people could just poop on the road and then just cars could drive on it.
Summer (in the bath): Look Mummy! BUM!
SIGH.
Summer in the bath, Gavin on the toilet.
Gavin: ERG! Uhhhhhh!!!!
Me: Er...you ok there?
Gavin: Yeah, the poop is just fighting in my bum
Me: Your poop is what? Stuck in your bum?
Gavin: No it's FIGHTING. The poops are FIGHTING.
Me: uh....
Gavin: Poops are kind of alive and dey fight sometimes
Me: Is that right? Where did you hear that?
Gavin: Tasha told me.....Mom, you didn't KNOW dat?
Me: Nope
Gavin: Yeah Tasha told me and Tanya told Tasha (Tanya is Tasha's friend and frequent visitor to daycare...also known as ANYA!)
Me: ok then
Bath continues, pooping continues.
Gavin: Mom, how come we don't just poop on the ground like animals and bugs?
Me: Well because if people did that there would be poop all over the place and it would be very stinky outside
Gavin: Well but people could just poop on the road and then just cars could drive on it.
Summer (in the bath): Look Mummy! BUM!
SIGH.
Sunday, 22 May 2011
Mom VS Technology
Mom: Ummmm.....I think I may have broken your TV
Me: What? What do you mean you BROKE it?
Mom: Well it's off now and I can't get it working again.
Me: Well, what did you do?
Mom: I pushed the big silver button on the remote and it went black and now I can't turn it on again.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
And for those of you who don't know, we have a "dummy" remote...it literally has a button that says "watch TV" next to it.
But this kind of thing is pretty typical of my mother. She actually has a black and white TV. And she gets out of her chair to change the channel. Mom doesn't like technology. She's about 30 years behind the rest of us in this regard. Maybe more. Like, for example, she has an aswering machine. Not voice mail. An external machine that records messages. She doesn't trust voice mail.
Mom: I'd love to get a typewriter
Me: What?!
Mom: Yeah, an old fashioned one. Not a modern electric one
Me: WHAT!!?! What for?
Mom: For writing
Me: Writing what, Mom? What the hell are you writing that warrants a typewriter?
Mom: Oh, anything. Poems.
Me: Aw Jeez...
Mom: Yeah, I think it would be neat to type stuff out
Me: You know, they have this neat little device now called a computer
Mom: Oh I don't want one of those
Me: No. Of course not. You would rather hammer out a poem on an old manual typewriter. You can't even type! Good grief!
See, Mom thinks there is some kind of romance attached to old things or doing things the old (AKA slow, inefficient, unneccessary) way. She likes to drag things out and hates to learn anything new. Like I've said before, she still thinks it's 1974 and she'd like to preserve that illusion as long as possible. I suppose a typewriter would not have been a wierd thing to own in 1974. Or an answering machine.
But then, on the other hand, Mom is kind of fascinated with technology. She's amazed by it, like someone who has been living without contact with modern society for her whole life. Imagine plucking someone out of the jungles of Guinea and showing them an iPod. Same reaction.
Mom (picking up my cordless house phone, eyes wide): Ohhhhhhhh!!!! Is this a Blackberry?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Zoe recently got one of those new fancy schmancy cameras with all the bells and whistles and gave her old digital camera to Mom. This thing is about 5 years old and it was a cheapy to start with, so to you and I this is nothing special. But to Mom, she has stepped into the space age. She has never ever owned or used a camera that doesn't use film. I can't adequately describe how funny it is for her to take a picture with it, but I'll try....
Mom gets out the camera and outs on one of her multiple pairs of glasses. It takes her about 30 seconds to find the "on" switch. That doesn't shound like a long time but just take a moment to count that out and you'll see. Then when the lens pops out her eyes get wide like she's amazed that's happening and she's wondering if maybe there's a little man inside that pushes it out. Then she lines up her shot. She selects the appropriate glasses form the pile on her head, holds up the camera and frowns at the screen. She lifts her finger to hit the button to take the picture and stops.
Mom (muttering to herself): Why is this....hmmmm....how do I?....ummmmm.....
I go over to help.
Me: Mom, you have it on the setting to view your pictures. here. Slide this thing up to the top...there.
Back to lining up the shot. Finger up to hit the button. ZZRRRMMMM...that's the sound of the lens going back into the camera because she hit the on-off button instead of the the shutter.
Mom: Did I get it?
Me: Yes. Now can we PLEASE stop smiling and blow out the goddam candles?
SIGH. Other people's mothers are on Facebook, doing online dating, using computers at work, taking digital pictures and uploading them to the Internet, listening to music on iPods....not my mother. She's two-finger typing out her poetry on an old manual typewriter, using a 25 year old dictionary and thesarus for reference....by candle light.
Me: What? What do you mean you BROKE it?
Mom: Well it's off now and I can't get it working again.
Me: Well, what did you do?
Mom: I pushed the big silver button on the remote and it went black and now I can't turn it on again.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
And for those of you who don't know, we have a "dummy" remote...it literally has a button that says "watch TV" next to it.
But this kind of thing is pretty typical of my mother. She actually has a black and white TV. And she gets out of her chair to change the channel. Mom doesn't like technology. She's about 30 years behind the rest of us in this regard. Maybe more. Like, for example, she has an aswering machine. Not voice mail. An external machine that records messages. She doesn't trust voice mail.
Mom: I'd love to get a typewriter
Me: What?!
Mom: Yeah, an old fashioned one. Not a modern electric one
Me: WHAT!!?! What for?
Mom: For writing
Me: Writing what, Mom? What the hell are you writing that warrants a typewriter?
Mom: Oh, anything. Poems.
Me: Aw Jeez...
Mom: Yeah, I think it would be neat to type stuff out
Me: You know, they have this neat little device now called a computer
Mom: Oh I don't want one of those
Me: No. Of course not. You would rather hammer out a poem on an old manual typewriter. You can't even type! Good grief!
See, Mom thinks there is some kind of romance attached to old things or doing things the old (AKA slow, inefficient, unneccessary) way. She likes to drag things out and hates to learn anything new. Like I've said before, she still thinks it's 1974 and she'd like to preserve that illusion as long as possible. I suppose a typewriter would not have been a wierd thing to own in 1974. Or an answering machine.
But then, on the other hand, Mom is kind of fascinated with technology. She's amazed by it, like someone who has been living without contact with modern society for her whole life. Imagine plucking someone out of the jungles of Guinea and showing them an iPod. Same reaction.
Mom (picking up my cordless house phone, eyes wide): Ohhhhhhhh!!!! Is this a Blackberry?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Zoe recently got one of those new fancy schmancy cameras with all the bells and whistles and gave her old digital camera to Mom. This thing is about 5 years old and it was a cheapy to start with, so to you and I this is nothing special. But to Mom, she has stepped into the space age. She has never ever owned or used a camera that doesn't use film. I can't adequately describe how funny it is for her to take a picture with it, but I'll try....
Mom gets out the camera and outs on one of her multiple pairs of glasses. It takes her about 30 seconds to find the "on" switch. That doesn't shound like a long time but just take a moment to count that out and you'll see. Then when the lens pops out her eyes get wide like she's amazed that's happening and she's wondering if maybe there's a little man inside that pushes it out. Then she lines up her shot. She selects the appropriate glasses form the pile on her head, holds up the camera and frowns at the screen. She lifts her finger to hit the button to take the picture and stops.
Mom (muttering to herself): Why is this....hmmmm....how do I?....ummmmm.....
I go over to help.
Me: Mom, you have it on the setting to view your pictures. here. Slide this thing up to the top...there.
Back to lining up the shot. Finger up to hit the button. ZZRRRMMMM...that's the sound of the lens going back into the camera because she hit the on-off button instead of the the shutter.
Mom: Did I get it?
Me: Yes. Now can we PLEASE stop smiling and blow out the goddam candles?
SIGH. Other people's mothers are on Facebook, doing online dating, using computers at work, taking digital pictures and uploading them to the Internet, listening to music on iPods....not my mother. She's two-finger typing out her poetry on an old manual typewriter, using a 25 year old dictionary and thesarus for reference....by candle light.
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Gordon
Gavin and Mark went for a little walk yesterday evening. When they got home, Gavin introduced me to his new friend, a little caterpillar he had found on the road. He had it in his little bug house which is basically a screened box with a handle.
Gavin: Look Mom! I got a cata-uh-cat-cat-er-pil-LER!
Me: Ooooooohhhh! Look at that!
Gavin: He was on da woad and I didn’t want him to get run over by a car.
Me: Oh, very good…
Gavin: And we have gween fings in dere for him! (shows me the leaves and grass they gave it to eat)
Mark: What are you gonna name him?
Gavin: Uhhhhh….nofing. He’s just a caterpillar.
Mark: He’s gotta have a name. You can name him anything you want!
Gavin: Ummmmmmmmmm
Mark: How about Casey? Casey the caterpillar?
Gavin: Yeah, yeah. Uh, Casey. Ok!
So we take “Casey” and find him a safe spot on Gavin’s bookshelf to wait for Gavin to get ready for bed. Gavin getting ready for bed:
Gavin: Mom, I don’t want to call my caterpillar Casey any more
Me: Oh, ok. What should his name be?
Gavin (very decisively): Gordon.
Me: Gordon?
Gavin: Yeah. Gordon. Dat’s a good name!
Me: It sure is!
Gavin: Can Gordon have a sleepover at my house?
Me: Sure he can. But we should ask his Mommy. One sec.
I leave the room to get a phone and quickly fill Mark in on our discussion. I go back to Gavin with the phone and dial “Gordon’s Mommy”.
Ring ring!
Gordon’s Mommy (in a high falsetto voice): Hello?
Me: Hello. This is Gavin’s Mommy. Is this Gordon’s Mommy?
Gordon’s Mommy: Yes. This is Gordon Caterpillar’s Mommy..
Me: Gavin found Gordon on the road and he picked him up and took him to our house because he didn’t want Gordon to get hurt. Is it ok if Gordon sleeps over?
Gordon’s Mommy: Yes, that would be fine. Just make sure he has lots of green things to eat. And thanks you Gavin for keeping my Gordon safe and sound.
Gavin: You’re welcome!.....ummmm….are you a caterpillar?
Gordon’s Mommy: Yes, I’m a caterpillar just like Gordon.
Gavin: Ok. Bye!
So Gavin finishes getting ready for bed and we’re checking on Gordon to make sure he’s all settled for bed. He is on the side of the bug house, on the screen. He’s just hangin out there doing nothing. Gavin pokes him. HARD. REPEATEDLY!
Gavin: Gordon! Are you sleeping? Mom, I want Gordon to eat his gwass.
Me: Oh no no Gavin! You have to be very gentle with caterpillars! They’re very little and you’re very big!
Gavin: OK. Night night Gordon.
Fast forward to this morning. I go wake up Gavin.
Me: Hey let’s check on Gordon!
Gavin jumps out of bed.
We go look. There are now 2 Gordons. Or, more specifically, poor old Gordon is now in 2 pieces. Guess Gavin poked him a little too hard.
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Are you joking me?
I love this stage…Gavin is just learning about jokes and he’s got quite a sense of humour. But he doesn’t always know when someone is messing with him…
Breakfast time.
Me: Hey Gavin, want some of Summer’s banoonoo
Gavin: Banana?
Me: No we’re out of bananas. We only have banoonoos. Want some?
Gavin (frowns): Dat’s a ba-NA-NA
Me (looking at the banana in my hand): No hon it’s a ba –NOO-NOO
Gavin (thinking I might be joking): Noooooo! Moooooom! Dat’s a ba-NA-NA!
Me: Whatever. If you don’t want any Summer will eat it. Here Summer, have some more banoonoo
Gavin: Moooom! But dat’s nota ba-noo-noo it’s a ba-NA-NUH!!!
Me: No Gavin. It’s a banoonoo. We’re out of bananas. Do you want some or not?
Gavin (thinking): What does it taste like?
Me: Taste it
Gavin tastes a slice: MOM! Dat’s a BAH-NAH-NUH!!!
Mark enters the room.
Gavin: Daddy is did a banana or a banoonoo?
Mark (not skipping a beat): A banoonoo. Why?
Tee hee!
The next day…breakfast time:
Me: Ok Gavin what do you want for breakfast
Gavin (from under the blankets): Sugar toast (NOTE: before anyone gets all up in arms thinking I give my kid sugar toast for breakfast, it’s actually just plain old buttered toast that he THINKS has sugar on it)
Me: Booger toast?
Gavin: No, sugar toast
Me: Okey dokey. Booger toast it is. You want me to use Summer’s boogers? She has too many anyway.
Gavin: Mom! Noooo! Not BOOGER toast! SUGAR toast!
Me: Yeah that’s what I said. Booger toast.
Gavin: SUGAR TOAST!
Me: Booger toast
Gavin (frowning and smiling at the same time): Are you joking me?
I love that he’s not really sure!
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