Oh, Barrack? Oh yeah, he and I go way back...

This is the follow up conversation I had with my mother about Summer's rash.

Me: So it's not radiation poisoning.
Mom: Oh?
Me: Yeah the doctor said severe eczema and possible milk allergy.
Mom: And which physician did you see?

NOTE: Even over the phone, you can kinda "see" my mom. You can tell by her tone what her body language is, and anyone who knows her knows EXACTLY what I'm talking about. During this particular conversation, she had on her "professor" tone, where she uses as many unneccessary big words as possible, over-enunciates everything, and you can tell she literally has her head tilted back slightly with her nose in the air. One of her 5 pairs of glasses are perched on the tip of her nose. She is sitting very straight on the edge of the couch, knees together. Yes, I can tell all of this from her tone. Zoe, you know I'm right!

Me: uhhhh...Dr. DeMarsh
Mom: Oh John!

NOTE #2: Mom LOVES to use first names. And she has unusual rules for "knowing" someone. Like, to me "knowing" someone means you know more than their name. To her, all that is required is a name. That's it. Basically she has to have heard of you. And this goes double for professionals like doctors or celebrities/ semi-celebrities. So I could say something like " So did you catch Obama on TV last night talking about Libya?" and she would be like "Oh Barrack?" As if "Oh heck! I just got off the phone with my good buddy Barrack. He was telling me all about that crazy Moammar...man what a nutcase. Just like in the old days when we all used to pal around." So anyway.....

Me: Uh, I guess....
Mom: Oh yeah! John knows you're my daughter you know.
Me: Er....well, he didn't say anything...
Mom: Oh he knows ALL about you girls (crazy eyes)

NOTE #3: Crazy eyes....my mom sometimes pauses for dramatic effect when she says something she thinks is significant or profound and during this pause she usually employs "crazy eyes" for added drama. It's a bit tough to describe...hell it's tough to DO! But it's kinda like a really intense stare where her eyes kind of get bigger for a second, then smaller, the bigger again. Often accompanied by a slightly manic grin or a knowing nod and a half whispered "Yahp", depending on the situation.

Me: Uh....ok then....
Mom: YAHP!!
Me: ........... ANYWAY.......So he prescribed some cream for the rash and said to put Summer on soy formula for a bit and then go back to regular formula and see what happens, and then we'll know if she's allergic to milk.
Mom: Yes. Yes. (like this is EXCACTLY what she herself would suggest and she concurs with the physician..LOL!)
Me: And he said to put sunflower oil on her before her bath to protect her skin from drying out
Mom: Oh yes. Yes, sunflower oil is wonderful. Very viscous. Very light fragrance. Full of nutrients. (Thank you Professor)
Me: Ummm.....sure. It's good stuff, I'm sure. So anyhow she's having her 9 month checkup next week anyway so we'll mention this all to her regular doctor and see what she has to say.
Mom (in full on professor mode): Oh yes (crazy eyes). I ALWAYS have the clinic forward my records to my primary healthcare provider. You know, Barb.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Exceptional!