Good grief. I swear to Christ I don't know how I am related to this person.
First of all, before I had this conversation with my mother yesterday, I had a preview. She had already had the exact same conversation with Tiff and of course, Tiff told me all about it. It was funny then but it was INFINITELY funnier in person with all the body language! I will try my best...
Mom: Ok, so if you're calling me just let the machine get it. Say it's you and then if I'm there I'll pick up or call you right back
(Mom has an ACTUAL answering machine...like, not voice mail. No, that's too complicated plus you never know who is listening to those messages).
Me: Uhh...ok.
Mom: It's just that we've been getting too many crazy calls. Like, REALLY messed up, creepy stuff!
Richard: Yeah we're thinking of getting our phone number unlisted.
Me (already knowing what comes next): Oh? What kind of calls?
Now, at this point you're thinking heavy breathing, dirty calls...stuff like that. Nope.
Mom (hushed tones): Well, like somebody keps calling saying they're Statistics Canada wanting to do some kind of "labour force survey" (crazy eyes). YAWP!!!
Me: Uh huh
Mom: I mean, asking all kinds of weird things, like, where do we work and how much money do we make. They even came to the house!
Me: Oh really?
Mom: YEAH! Thank GOD I saw the woman coming up the path. I hid out and pretended I wasn't home (as one does when someone comes to the door...PFFFTTT!!! She said it like this is totally normal behaviour) She left a little package on the door with a phone number so I called her! YAWP! I did! (OMG you are so brave.) And you won't BELIEVE what she said to me!...... (dramatic pause).........She said "Oh! You're the house with all the lovely gardens! Can you believe it!
Me: Er......That doesn't seem so odd, Mom.
Mom: Well obviously she'd been there a while and had a look around and observed EVERY. DETAIL! And she wanted me to KNOW that!
Me: Well, the thing is you DO have lovely gardens and they are in rather plain sight....
Mom: Yes well I found it all rather threatening. I mean, who IS this woman? How do I know she's really from Stats Can?
Me: Well Mom, they DO conduct labour force surveys. I've participated twice. It's pretty normal. If you don't want to do it, just tell them
Mom: Well here's the thing...the lady says we HAVE to. That it's MANDATORY and if we don't do it we can be FINED!!! I mean, that's a threat! That's the government making a threat against me!
Me: I'm sure it's not mandatory, Mom
Mom: Well the paperwork has a box for "decline"
Me: So check it
Mom: Well I don't know Ella. It seems like the government is VERY interested in my affairs
Me: Eye roll....ANYWAYYYYYYYYYY...........
Seriously.
